Monday, December 6, 2010

The Wonderful World of Malapropisms

So I'm feeling guilty for neglecting this blog, but having a newborn in the house makes coming up with new posts for more than one blog difficult. So this is shamelessly lifted and reposted from my personal blog. Apologies to those for whom this is a duplicate.


A malapropism, for any less-geeky readers out there, is when you mean to use a certain word, but accidentally use a similar-sounding but different word instead. The character Dogberry in Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing frequently engages in this behavior:

"Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended two auspicious persons." (III.v.41-42)

He obviously means they have taken two shady characters into custody (apprehended two suspicious persons); what actually comes out is that he understood two favorable people.

Malapropisms can be entertaining and endearing in literary characters or as a once-in-a-while slip of the tongue; good-natured ribbing ensues. However, malapropisms as a result of someone pretentiously trying to sound ultra-intelligent can start to grate on the nerves.

What? Personal experience? Whatever gave you that idea?

If you've ever wondered about my bio information and why "quintessential" matters, it all comes back to the reason I went to law school: the Curly-Haired Boss, or CHB for short (closely related to the PHB). Leaving aside the more traumatic elements behind this situation, the CHB had an annoying malapropism habit, such as the following exchange:


CHB: We need to get the correct address, because that's quintessential in getting the letter sent out.

Me: (longish pause) Did you mean "essential"?

CHB: (even longer-ish pause) Did I?

Me: Yes, I think you did.

CHB: (longest pause yet, then continues as if nothing has happened at all) So I'll call and get the addresss....

Want to guess how he thought "prima donna" was spelled?



Anyway, I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

Okay, so it's not a story really, but thinking about word aversion made me think of the way certain words become pet peeves, not because of any aversion to the way they sound, but because of association or connotation. (Note also the difference between this kind of aversion/pet peeve and the kind related to words that are misspelled or grammatically abused.) For me it's mostly association that ruins words, and it's probably no shocker to hear that most of those bad associations are because of the CHB.

He liked to sound smart in order to impress his direct superior (who, I think, realized what a mistake he had made in promoting the CHB about a week too late to do anything to fix the situation), which included using what he (the CHB) apparently thought were intelligent words as much as he could.

These words usually tended more towards the "buzzword" category than to the "how to build a better vocabulary" side, and his tactic was to take one word, latch onto it and use it as often as possible for the next month or so until he had leeched all possible meaning out of it, then rinse and repeat with a new word. As a result, I now have almost physical reactions to the following words/usages:

Task. v. To assign. "I'm going to task you with this project."

Massage v. To tweak carefully. "We'll need to massage this letter so it doesn't sound so angry."

Robust adj. Whatever you want it to mean, as long as it's preceded by "more." "This should be more robust. I want a more robust system. Our client list should be more robust. That's the most robust sweater I've ever seen."

*shuuuuuuuuddder*

Do you have any words that are tainted by association?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Independence Day 2010 style

4 scr & 7 yrs ago r fathers brt 4th upon this continent a nu nat'n conceived in liberty & dedicated to the prop'sition that L men r cre8d =


apparently you can get an entire opening paragraph in one text!

Okay, Girls!!!!

So, here it is. I was informed that we are popping up on "need to be updated more" lists, and this is not acceptable (this coming from the one with the fewest posts... um... ever). So, what are we going to do? I think that we need to come up with a solution. What about opening it up to suggestions those of our faithful readers come up with, or see in their perusals of any kind of media? What about just making fun of that sentence there? I mean, that should give us some good fodder for quite a while, wouldn't you suspect? Anyway, whaddaya think?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

WhAat tHe cRrraAApp?!?!

Ok.  Does the following paragraph (actually, I think this doesn't even count as a paragraph.... it's more like a jumble of letters) make anyone else want to vomit?

If youu thinkk imcutee, likee this statuus; if youu lovee me putt a ♥; if i
am yourfriennd, putt a (: if youu wannt to go ouuut w.mee, putt a :D if
youuever hadd a crushh onn mee, putt a XD if youu aree familyy, putt a
putta :o if yourr bravee, makee this youur statuus, plizz comentt!



Bleeaaarrrrggghhhh!Hack!Cough!Choke!Spit!  


Ok.  I think I'm done dry heaving.  [climbing up on soapbox]  What is up with all the unnecessary repeated letters and random capitalizations nowadays?!?!  Is it supposed to indicate how something is pronounced?  Perhaps which letter gets more emphasis?  Or is it strictly for driving people such as myself absolutely crazy?  I mean, are you TRYING to force me into near convulsions of horrific pain?

You know what?  I think I want to walk away from this situation as quickly as possible before I become permanently disfigured..........

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Please direct your attention to this.

So I've found some pretty great examples of "Whaaaaa?" grammar and spelling in the last few days, all of which will make good posts, but require my taking the time and effort to type them. During the midst of bar study, that is time and effort I do not currently have. So I would like, instead, to direct your attention to this blog post for a guest-type lecture, if you will. I think you'll agree that Allie has hit the nail on the head.

And as a sneak preview to make sure you actually do check out the blog post, may I present . . .



. . . the Alot. (Image taken from hyperboleandahalf. I claim no credit for its awesomeness.)

For our more sensitive readers, please note that while this particular post contains no objectionable language, some of the rest of the site's posts do, so use caution accordingly.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Ah, don't you just love.....


This picture always makes me smile. :)

Unusual

Can you spot it? Read the following paragraph to find out...


"This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious as to just how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so ordinary and plain that you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact nothing is wrong with it. It is highly unusual though, study it and think about it but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit you might find out. Try to do so without any coaching."

So the question is, what is unique about the paragraph?

Domestic Alzheimer's?

This has always bothered me but I've been seeing it around a lot just lately and needed to say something about it. I'm not sure if it's technically grammatically incorrect but it still just bugs me.

A lot.

More than it should, probably.

But that's the kind of thing that fuels Grammarsaurus Wrecks.

Moving on.

"I forgot my book at home."

(I'll give you a moment to recover from the nails-on-a-chalkboard feeling.)

While this statement may technically be true—while you were at home you forgot about your book, thus leaving it there—it just SOUNDS better if you say "I left my book at home." Or even, simply, "I forgot my book." Both of these are clearer and more accurate versions of what happened.

And clarity and accuracy in language = very yes.

Okay, I'm done ranting. For the moment. Thank you for your time.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Sphere o' tears

I've been seeing this a lot lately from a lot of different people—so much so, in fact, that I'm a bit curious as to the reason behind its sudden prevalence. But that's beside the point for the moment.

Please note:

Ball: (n) a sphere; (v) to make something into a spherical shape.
Bawl: (v) to cry profusely.

Therefore, you bawled through the movie. If you say "I balled through the movie," I'm going to have to assume that you either misspelled it or were rolling snickerdoodles the whole time.

And if the latter is the case, where are my cookies?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Are you SURE you meant that?

An excerpt from the book that I'm reading:

"Pretty good," Emma said. Her eyes appeared huge and her cheeks were sunken. Her emancipated appearance made it hard to believe that she was doing as well as she was.

Emma, by the way, is in the hospital with severe morning sickness symptoms, so much so, that she has to be on an IV for the entire time. See, now, for me, that sounds not fun. Not fun at all. And considering that she has lost over 5% of her body weight since getting pregnant, I would think that they were probably going for "emaciated appearance." But hey. It's in a book.

It's gotta be right, right?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April . . . something.

Point of interest:

What is the name of this ridiculous holiday?

I personally have always favored "April Fool's Day" (the day belonging to the April Fool).

But after seeing all the facebook posts today (yes, how sad, my apostrophic confidence is being shaken by facebook, of all things), I've started wondering, is it really "April Fools Day" (the day of many April Fools)?

Or might we all be wrong? Might it be "April Fools' Day" (the day belonging to many April Fools)?

Let's ask Google Battle, shall we?

April Fool's Day 8,600,000
April Fools Day 9,300,000
April Fools' Day 9,300,000


Hm. I somehow find those results less than convincing. Because it seems to be unable to differentiate between "Fools" and "Fools'," for one thing. And for another, I somehow doubt that this takes into account the fact that a significant number of people would mis-apostrophize it anyway, no matter which version was correct. Wikipedia favors "April Fools' Day." But we all know Wikipedia's not really a legitimate source, right?

So. Which is it, really? The world may never know.



But I think the more relevant point is that the world, aside from myself, most likely doesn't care.

Happy April first, everyone.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Am I allowed to speak aloud?

So, I was scrolling through Facebook status updates today and I saw the following sentence:

"It shouldnt be aloud to be cold without snow!"

I mean, what? Um, ok. Well that's just.... you know, I just don't even KNOW... ergh gah pfft BOOM!

*my head a-splode*



(It's also made worse by the fact that "shouldn't" lacks a necessary apostrophe. *Groan*)

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Oh, the pain. The horror!

As I made my way down the hallways at school on Thursday, my eye was drawn to a T-shirt that read:
Attorney at LOL.

(???)
Help. Bad text-speak puns are creeping their way into our apparel now!!! What is this world coming to?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Scalawag.

Okay, let's go over something here:

1. It's = a contraction meaning "it is."
e.g.: It's too bad people don't use apostrophes correctly.

2. Its = possessive, meaning belonging to it.
e.g.: The Grammarsaurus shakes its head sadly in agreement.

3. Its' = this is a crime against apostrophes and is not acceptable in any situation. Please, just stop it now.
e.g.: I just threw up in my mouth a little bit and the Grammarsaurus swears vengeance if you ever say "its'" again.

Take it away, Strong Bad.

The affect greatly effects me. Oh wait.....

WRONG!!! The above words of affect/ effect are sorely misused. Can't tell the difference? Let me clear things up for you:

effect: (n.) 1 a change that is a result or consequence of an action or other cause (ex: the lethal effect of hard drugs) 
• used to refer to the state of being or becoming operative (ex: into effect, take effect)
• the extent to which something succeeds or is operative (ex: wind power can be used to greater effect)
• an impression produced in the mind of a person (ex: gentle music can produce a soothing effect)
2 ( effects) the lighting, sound, or scenery used in a play, movie, or broadcast : the production relied too much on spectacular effects.
3 ( effects) personal belongings
verb [ trans. ] (often be effected)
cause (something) to happen; bring about (ex: budget cuts that were quietly effected over four years)


-- as opposed to ---

affect: verb [ trans. ]
have an effect on; make a difference to (ex: the dampness began to affect my health)
• touch the feelings of (someone); move emotionally (ex: her story affected them deeply)
• (of an illness) attack or infect (ex: people who are affected by AIDS)


To recap, affect is most often a verb, and usually brings about an effect (noun) of some kind.

Get it? Got it. Good.



Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Looking forward from my point of view.

Please note that there is a difference:

Perspective: (n.) a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.
Prospective: (adj.) expected or expecting to be something particular in the future.

So please, don't send an email out to "Perspective Test Takers" if the group you want to reach are those who are planning to take a test in the future.

(If, on the other hand, you wish to reach those people who are currently taking a test about "the art of drawing solid objects on a two-dimensional surface so as to give the right impression of their height, width, depth, and position in relation to each other when viewed from a particular point," then by all means address it to Perspective Test Takers.)

But again, please note that there is a difference.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

As if it wasn't bad enough already...

LOL.
Honestly, how many people are actually laughing out loud when they say that?
As if it wasn't overused enough, there are now "cute spin-offs" of LOL.
For example: lols, lolz, or (my personal favorite) luls.
Luls? What does THAT mean? Lying under little spinach? Living until llamas sleep? Leather underwear limits socks?
Once you figure it out, please let me know...

Wow.

Oh. I am so sad. I lost it. I shall try to replicate it from memory.

I can't. It was a truly amazing feat not only of poor grammar, punctuation, and spelling, but also a truly delicious example of textspeak. "your" instead of "you're," and, my favorite, "unckle."

I regret that my internet closed before I could copy and paste. Sorry to all the fans out there!

Friday, February 5, 2010

Misspellers of the world, untie!

This cartoon was not written by any member of this blog, but it says so many things I've been wanting to say.

Enjoy, and keep an eye out for more comics to come!

Punctuate THIS!

Please punctuate the following phrase correctly:

Tom where Jim had had had had had had had had had had had the teacher's approval.



*Hint: Punctuation is not limited to commas, and capitalization of some words might be necessary. 

Shortening our life expectancy?


"not much idk im doin fine how bout you"


*Groaning and writhing* Must... control... Fist. Of. Death.....


It has come to my attention that the youth of today are speaking a completely different language than English. I am of course referring to that evil monster that is TEXT SPEAK. Apparently, people nowadays (usually teenagers and college students) feel like they lack the time and space to send a proper message, so acronyms and abbreviations abound in every message sent. Do they think they're going to die within the next five minutes so they have to send their message as quickly as possible? It's like they think they won't make it to 50, and they're shortening their own life expectancy by rushing things.


You know, I gotta give youngsters some credit. I am honestly amazed at how they keep everything straight: it's almost like Morse Code. Here are some examples. Let's see how many you can get:




idk
lmbo
rotfl
lol (I HATE this one! Just say ha ha!)
imo
cpub
4COL
aysos
2gtbt
wtf/ wtc
2mor
831
aitr
aweso
NRN
swmbo
kfy

These are for real and true text abbreviations. Or "abbrevs," as I like to call them. Granted, I had to look most of them up, not being fluent in txt-speak, but hey.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Out of my league

Um, so I just realized that I'm pretty sure this blog is all about my life. I have NO IDEA where to put a comma in relation to quotation marks! And I have gotten hung up on the Oxford comma.

But NEVER, EVER have I eaten my Grandma!

I guess there is some redeeming qualities in me!

This is "definately" a problem.

*Ahem*

For the last dang time, "definitely" is most DEFINITELY NOT spelled with an a! I don't know where the a comes from, because it's not pronounced "deffiNATlee" or "deffiNATElee," right? Or does everybody pronounce it wrong too? And if that's the case, then the problem is bigger than I had feared.


*A question for my fellow bloggers and any other good grammar and spelling advocates out there: do you see certain words misspelled or misused so often by the general public that you almost (ALMOST) forget the correct way to spell or use a word? I am ashamed to admit it, but just the other day, I almost used "you're" when I was supposed to use "your." Luckily, I caught it before it became too late. *whew!* (And isn't it usually the other way around? People using "your" instead of "you're?" Like, "YOUR so funny," or "YOUR welcome..." Heh, I guess it's gotten to the point where I've seen such constant bad grammar that my mind just doesn't know the difference anymore and will occasionally automatically pick the wrong word or the wrong spelling. Oh, the horror!!!!)

I raise my glass to good grammar and spelling. They are a dying breed.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Serial killing = very bad.

So let's say hello to a friend of mine, the serial comma. I prefer to call them Oxford commas, though, because it just sounds so much more uppity. Say it with me now: "Oxford commas equal very yes!"

Anyway, an Oxford comma is the little guy you put right before the "and" in a list of things separated by commas. Opinions over the appropriateness of using Oxford commas is hotly debated (e.g., should it be "red, white and blue" or "red, white, and blue"?).* Sometimes it causes blood feuds. You know how grammar people are about their commas.

But here's the thing: usually, it doesn't matter. In most cases, it's just a matter of personal preference. Both including and omitting the Oxford comma would be acceptable responses. But then you get cases like this:

"I'd like to thank my parents, the Pope and Mother Teresa."


In this case, you really need to include the Oxford or else people will become confused about your lineage. So slap that Oxford comma down there and clarify your meaning, sir! Unless, of course, your family tree really IS that interesting. In which case any included Oxford comma would be criminally misplaced.

Okay, not really criminally at all. I was just trying to be clever. (Serial killing, criminal, get it? Oh, never mind.)



*We can talk about punctuation placement in regard to quotation marks another time.

And Spelling, too!

I realize that this is a blog primarily for grammar, but it seems to me that people capable of, well, typing, should know some spelling:

"that is adorrible"

I mean, what is that? Adorable? Horrible?
Because those seem like pretty crucial conjunctions...

My so awesome WHAT?

BREAKING NEWS!
"Your" is different from "you're." Shocking. I know.
Get this: it is NOT grammatically correct to say "Your so awesome." Saying that leaves me wondering what my "so awesome" is...
Observe:
You + are = YOU'RE.
Love it. Use it.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Commas Save Lives

Did you know that one little comma could SAVE YOUR LIFE? Observe:

"Let's eat Grandma!" (Oh, the horror!) -vs.-
"Let's eat, Grandma!" (Ahhh, much better!)

"A panda bear eats, shoots, and leaves." (What the-? A criminal panda bear?) -vs.-
"A panda bear eats shoots and leaves." (Ok, I get it. They were describing the panda bear's diet.)

See the difference?

Please, do your part. Appropriately use a comma; save a life.

Know thy possessives.

Seen on a Food Network show:

"Vanilla contains more than 350* organic compounds that make up its' distinctive flavor."


The Grammarsaurus is coming to get you!


*This may or may not be the actual number listed. I was too busy writhing in agony to take exact note of the fact being presented.