The affect greatly effects me. Oh wait.....

WRONG!!! The above words of affect/ effect are sorely misused. Can't tell the difference? Let me clear things up for you:

effect: (n.) 1 a change that is a result or consequence of an action or other cause (ex: the lethal effect of hard drugs) 
• used to refer to the state of being or becoming operative (ex: into effect, take effect)
• the extent to which something succeeds or is operative (ex: wind power can be used to greater effect)
• an impression produced in the mind of a person (ex: gentle music can produce a soothing effect)
2 ( effects) the lighting, sound, or scenery used in a play, movie, or broadcast : the production relied too much on spectacular effects.
3 ( effects) personal belongings
verb [ trans. ] (often be effected)
cause (something) to happen; bring about (ex: budget cuts that were quietly effected over four years)


-- as opposed to ---

affect: verb [ trans. ]
have an effect on; make a difference to (ex: the dampness began to affect my health)
• touch the feelings of (someone); move emotionally (ex: her story affected them deeply)
• (of an illness) attack or infect (ex: people who are affected by AIDS)


To recap, affect is most often a verb, and usually brings about an effect (noun) of some kind.

Get it? Got it. Good.