Oh, the pain. The horror!

As I made my way down the hallways at school on Thursday, my eye was drawn to a T-shirt that read:
Attorney at LOL.

(???)
Help. Bad text-speak puns are creeping their way into our apparel now!!! What is this world coming to?

Scalawag.

Okay, let's go over something here:

1. It's = a contraction meaning "it is."
e.g.: It's too bad people don't use apostrophes correctly.

2. Its = possessive, meaning belonging to it.
e.g.: The Grammarsaurus shakes its head sadly in agreement.

3. Its' = this is a crime against apostrophes and is not acceptable in any situation. Please, just stop it now.
e.g.: I just threw up in my mouth a little bit and the Grammarsaurus swears vengeance if you ever say "its'" again.

Take it away, Strong Bad.

The affect greatly effects me. Oh wait.....

WRONG!!! The above words of affect/ effect are sorely misused. Can't tell the difference? Let me clear things up for you:

effect: (n.) 1 a change that is a result or consequence of an action or other cause (ex: the lethal effect of hard drugs) 
• used to refer to the state of being or becoming operative (ex: into effect, take effect)
• the extent to which something succeeds or is operative (ex: wind power can be used to greater effect)
• an impression produced in the mind of a person (ex: gentle music can produce a soothing effect)
2 ( effects) the lighting, sound, or scenery used in a play, movie, or broadcast : the production relied too much on spectacular effects.
3 ( effects) personal belongings
verb [ trans. ] (often be effected)
cause (something) to happen; bring about (ex: budget cuts that were quietly effected over four years)


-- as opposed to ---

affect: verb [ trans. ]
have an effect on; make a difference to (ex: the dampness began to affect my health)
• touch the feelings of (someone); move emotionally (ex: her story affected them deeply)
• (of an illness) attack or infect (ex: people who are affected by AIDS)


To recap, affect is most often a verb, and usually brings about an effect (noun) of some kind.

Get it? Got it. Good.

Looking forward from my point of view.

Please note that there is a difference:

Perspective: (n.) a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.
Prospective: (adj.) expected or expecting to be something particular in the future.

So please, don't send an email out to "Perspective Test Takers" if the group you want to reach are those who are planning to take a test in the future.

(If, on the other hand, you wish to reach those people who are currently taking a test about "the art of drawing solid objects on a two-dimensional surface so as to give the right impression of their height, width, depth, and position in relation to each other when viewed from a particular point," then by all means address it to Perspective Test Takers.)

But again, please note that there is a difference.

As if it wasn't bad enough already...

LOL.
Honestly, how many people are actually laughing out loud when they say that?
As if it wasn't overused enough, there are now "cute spin-offs" of LOL.
For example: lols, lolz, or (my personal favorite) luls.
Luls? What does THAT mean? Lying under little spinach? Living until llamas sleep? Leather underwear limits socks?
Once you figure it out, please let me know...

Wow.

Oh. I am so sad. I lost it. I shall try to replicate it from memory.

I can't. It was a truly amazing feat not only of poor grammar, punctuation, and spelling, but also a truly delicious example of textspeak. "your" instead of "you're," and, my favorite, "unckle."

I regret that my internet closed before I could copy and paste. Sorry to all the fans out there!

Misspellers of the world, untie!

This cartoon was not written by any member of this blog, but it says so many things I've been wanting to say.

Enjoy, and keep an eye out for more comics to come!

Punctuate THIS!

Please punctuate the following phrase correctly:

Tom where Jim had had had had had had had had had had had the teacher's approval.



*Hint: Punctuation is not limited to commas, and capitalization of some words might be necessary. 

Shortening our life expectancy?

"not much idk im doin fine how bout you"

*Groaning and writhing* Must... control... Fist. Of. Death.....

It has come to my attention that the youth of today are speaking a completely different language than English. I am of course referring to that evil monster that is TEXT SPEAK. Apparently, people nowadays (usually teenagers and college students) feel like they lack the time and space to send a proper message, so acronyms and abbreviations abound in every message sent. Do they think they're going to die within the next five minutes so they have to send their message as quickly as possible? It's like they think they won't make it to 50, and they're shortening their own life expectancy by rushing things.

You know, I gotta give youngsters some credit. I am honestly amazed at how they keep everything straight: it's almost like Morse Code. Here are some examples. Let's see how many you can get:

idk
lmbo
rotfl
lol (I HATE this one! Just say ha ha!)
imo
cpub
4COL
aysos
2gtbt
wtf/ wtc
2mor
831
aitr
aweso
NRN
swmbo
kfy

These are for real and true text abbreviations. Or "abbrevs," as I like to call them. Granted, I had to look most of them up, not being fluent in txt-speak, but hey.

Out of my league

Um, so I just realized that I'm pretty sure this blog is all about my life. I have NO IDEA where to put a comma in relation to quotation marks! And I have gotten hung up on the Oxford comma.

But NEVER, EVER have I eaten my Grandma!

I guess there is some redeeming qualities in me!

This is "definately" a problem.

*Ahem*

For the last dang time, "definitely" is most DEFINITELY NOT spelled with an a! I don't know where the a comes from, because it's not pronounced "deffiNATlee" or "deffiNATElee," right? Or does everybody pronounce it wrong too? And if that's the case, then the problem is bigger than I had feared.

*A question for my fellow bloggers and any other good grammar and spelling advocates out there: do you see certain words misspelled or misused so often by the general public that you almost (ALMOST) forget the correct way to spell or use a word? I am ashamed to admit it, but just the other day, I almost used "you're" when I was supposed to use "your." Luckily, I caught it before it became too late. *whew!* (And isn't it usually the other way around? People using "your" instead of "you're?" Like, "YOUR so funny," or "YOUR welcome..." Heh, I guess it's gotten to the point where I've seen such constant bad grammar that my mind just doesn't know the difference anymore and will occasionally automatically pick the wrong word or the wrong spelling. Oh, the horror!!!!)

I raise my glass to good grammar and spelling. They are a dying breed.

Serial killing = very bad.

So let's say hello to a friend of mine, the serial comma. I prefer to call them Oxford commas, though, because it just sounds so much more uppity. Say it with me now: "Oxford commas equal very yes!"

Anyway, an Oxford comma is the little guy you put right before the "and" in a list of things separated by commas. Opinions over the appropriateness of using Oxford commas is hotly debated (e.g., should it be "red, white and blue" or "red, white, and blue"?).* Sometimes it causes blood feuds. You know how grammar people are about their commas.

But here's the thing: usually, it doesn't matter. In most cases, it's just a matter of personal preference. Both including and omitting the Oxford comma would be acceptable responses. But then you get cases like this:

"I'd like to thank my parents, the Pope and Mother Teresa."

In this case, you really need to include the Oxford or else people will become confused about your lineage. So slap that Oxford comma down there and clarify your meaning, sir! Unless, of course, your family tree really IS that interesting. In which case any included Oxford comma would be criminally misplaced.

Okay, not really criminally at all. I was just trying to be clever. (Serial killing, criminal, get it? Oh, never mind.)



*We can talk about punctuation placement in regard to quotation marks another time.

And Spelling, too!

I realize that this is a blog primarily for grammar, but it seems to me that people capable of, well, typing, should know some spelling:

"that is adorrible"

I mean, what is that? Adorable? Horrible?
Because those seem like pretty crucial conjunctions...

My so awesome WHAT?

BREAKING NEWS!
"Your" is different from "you're." Shocking. I know.
Get this: it is NOT grammatically correct to say "Your so awesome." Saying that leaves me wondering what my "so awesome" is...
Observe:
You + are = YOU'RE.
Love it. Use it.

Commas Save Lives

Did you know that one little comma could SAVE YOUR LIFE? Observe:

"Let's eat Grandma!" (Oh, the horror!) -vs.-

"Let's eat, Grandma!" (Ahhh, much better!)

"A panda bear eats, shoots, and leaves." (What the-? A criminal panda bear?) -vs.-

"A panda bear eats shoots and leaves." (Ok, I get it. They were describing the panda bear's diet.)

See the difference?

Please, do your part. Appropriately use a comma; save a life.

Know thy possessives.

Seen on a Food Network show:

"Vanilla contains more than 350* organic compounds that make up its' distinctive flavor."

The Grammarsaurus is coming to get you!


*This may or may not be the actual number listed. I was too busy writhing in agony to take exact note of the fact being presented.